walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
