She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
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