things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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