Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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