watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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