Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
