So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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