Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
