just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
