Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
