Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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