the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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