No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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