So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
