he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
