He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
