The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
