Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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