2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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