i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Randomize
