i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize