I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
