Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
