so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
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