Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
