Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
