YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
