Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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