What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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