hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Randomize
