i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
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