like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Randomize
