Your tits are I can't wait for
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
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