We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
