we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
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