She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Randomize
