hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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