I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
