my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
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