so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
