I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
