fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
