I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
