when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Just pee around me
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
