oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
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just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
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Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
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