I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
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