Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
