I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
