Michael Bay diarrhea
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Randomize
