someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Do you remember whose house we're in?
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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