This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
