did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
