it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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