I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
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i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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