the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize