Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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