Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
