Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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