I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
