I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
