In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
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