Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
