Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Randomize
