we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
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