So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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