Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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