god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize