Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Randomize
