I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
