apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize