You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
