Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
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