sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
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The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Drake has all the answers
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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