I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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