my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
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