girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I smell like Dick and happiness
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
