Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
19 Unhappily Married People Confess The Red Flags They Ignored
We need to rekindle our bromance
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
These 23 People Destroyed Their Entire Lives In An Instant
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor