Texts From Last Night

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  (212): View more from New York

  ??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.

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  (212): ??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years. http://tfl.nu/7axl
  Replies (36) Good night (2077) Bad night (1114)
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.

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  (330): cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank. http://tfl.nu/47xc
  Replies (8) Good night (1919) Bad night (675)
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  (616): View more from Michigan

  Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.

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  (616): Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy. http://tfl.nu/q0bl
  Replies (8) Good night (3125) Bad night (729)
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  (510): View more from California

  im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.

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  (510): im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife. http://tfl.nu/itl3
  Replies (10) Good night (3793) Bad night (1014)
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  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions

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  (262): i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions http://tfl.nu/1ufy
  Replies (33) Good night (4396) Bad night (954)
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  (314): View more from Missouri

  great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter

  (1-314): View more from Missouri

  at least I said it was good

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  (314): great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter (1-314): at least I said it was good http://tfl.nu/h772
  Replies (25) Good night (5662) Bad night (1482)
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  (571): View more from Virginia

  next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave

  (703): View more from Virginia

  and miss being on the news....no way

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  (571): next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave (703): and miss being on the news....no way http://tfl.nu/gtrx
  Replies (21) Good night (8954) Bad night (1347)
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  (785): View more from Kansas

  Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now

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  (785): Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now http://tfl.nu/nbd3
  Replies (2) Good night (3845) Bad night (967)
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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa

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  (732): You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa http://tfl.nu/fgun
  Replies (13) Good night (3361) Bad night (1230)
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  (310): View more from California

  Just called the consul general of France "dude"

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  (310): Just called the consul general of France "dude" http://tfl.nu/uwot
  Replies (7) Good night (2631) Bad night (1036)
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  (339): View more from Massachusetts

  100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before

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  (339): 100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before http://tfl.nu/n0g6
  Replies (5) Good night (1088) Bad night (541)
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  (408): View more from California

  I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.

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  (408): I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up. http://tfl.nu/jlt9
  Replies (0) Good night (883) Bad night (548)
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  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse

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  (401): Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse http://tfl.nu/uyp3
  Replies (2) Good night (1102) Bad night (425)
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  (517): View more from Michigan

  We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"

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  (517): We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!" http://tfl.nu/8tru
  Replies (0) Good night (494) Bad night (297)
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  (406): View more from Montana

  You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching

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  (406): You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching http://tfl.nu/fd62
  Replies (1) Good night (470) Bad night (240)

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