dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.