Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(206): View more from Washington

Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.

Fav 15 891 1982
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(440): View more from Ohio

obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night

Fav 100 3384 1333
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(701): View more from North Dakota

My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.

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(954): View more from Florida

Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet

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29 People Confess The Worst Example Of Dirty Talk They’ve Ever Heard
Read it at the TFLN blog
(541): View more from Oregon

You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining

Fav 11 6348 1390
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(703): View more from Virginia

The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.

Fav 17 4528 1331
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(615): View more from Tennessee

of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits

Fav 29 1976 7968
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(614): View more from Ohio

She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.

Fav 4 1242 481
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(612): View more from Minnesota

YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS

Fav 1 144 65
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