Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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