threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
