i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
