well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
