Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
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