This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
he just fucked me for my cheese..
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
