Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
