My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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