i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
My balls are so social today.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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