Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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